“You’ll Catch Your Death of Cold.” Really. (But Not Really.) Part Two

When last we left our most unwilling protagonist – me – we were preparing for a trip to the emergency room due to my high fever and myriad other symptoms.  Although this may strike many as completely nonsensical, I have a steadfast belief that the last place one wants to be when ill is at the hospital.  After all, there are all manner of sick people there.  This is even more troubling for someone like me who, as we know, has the immune system which at this stage could most charitably be described as non-existent. 

Alas, we were really not left with any other options.  Because this was Sunday – as these types of emergencies only occur outside of normal business hours – my only choices were the ER or an urgent care.  Melissa and I briefly contemplated the latter, but we felt fairly confident that as soon as they heard I had cancer then they would wash their hands of the matter (the matter being me) and send me off to the ER anyway.  So we decided to cut out the middleman – and the extra co-payment – and go straight to the hospital. 

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“You’ll Catch Your Death of Cold.” Really. (But Not Really.) — Part One

As many of my devout readers are undoubtedly aware, there has been an overwhelming silence emanating from me and this blog for the past couple of weeks.  And, as these same followers also are certainly aware, I always have something to say about pretty much everything so such a silence is quite atypical for me.  So, pray tell, what caused this lack of pontification from me?  To put it simply, I thought I was on death’s doorstep for several days.  It turns out that I was actually, however, suffering from what is probably best classified as a cold (and which still has me feeling quite suboptimal).  But I think it is a fair question of you, the reader, to wonder how something as admittedly annoying but as non-lethal as the common cold could cause one to think that Charon’s canoe was being docked in my front yard. 

For starters, I think it is only appropriate for me to state that I am not a hypochondriac.  I am related to a number of such people, and I know I am not like that.  Plus, the vernacular usage of the term implies an irrational obsession with illness and maladies in general.  Applying that understanding of the term, I am pretty sure that it is impossible to be simultaneously a hypochondriac and one with cancer.  I assert this because, rather unfortunately, there is no illness, ache, pain, sniffle or cough that one living with cancer could readily dismiss as unimportant or even simply uninteresting.  Particularly when one has a chronic (i.e., incurable) form of cancer, constant vigilance regarding one’s health is not only prudent but often mandatory.  In fact, a better term for those of us with cancer would be hyperchondriac because no matter how much attention we pay to our health, we cannot be as knowledgeable about our badly-behaving bodies as would be ideal.  (I note that Merriam-Webster does not recognize hyperchondriac as a term, but Urban Dictionary does.  Let’s get into the 21st century, M-W!) 

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Cancer Around the Holidays

With the holiday season bearing down on us too soon yet again, those of us fighting cancer face the unenviable proposition of having countless uncomfortable discussions with well-meaning, but often completely tone-deaf, friends and, worse still, relatives about our health – or lack thereof.  In light of these dreaded encounters, the following list of basics about my cancer is mandatory reading for anyone who may be breaking a wishbone with me or thinking of offering me anything with pumpkin in it.

1. Appearances are deceiving. 

Cancer is not a disease most readily identified by cursory inspection. Particularly cancers such as mine, which is primarily hanging out in my blood, are not apparent unless I accidentally cut myself while carving the bird (a distinct possibility) and someone nearby happens to have an electron microscope at the ready. (Given some people I know, this is also a distinct possibility.) But just because absent an impaling I look quite healthy does not mean that I am. To quote my oncologist prior to commencing chemo, “You had no idea how sick you were.”

2. No second guessing.

Few things are more frustrating after living with — and worrying about — my cancer for over six years than to have someone suggest that I had been going about it all wrong.  Besides the fact that this information would have been more timely if given to me prior to deciding upon treatments, the reality that such a view is coming out because “a friend of a friend knows a doctor” tends to carry little weight with me.

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Don’t Squeeze the Charmin!

As I have observed in past postings, when one has cancer there is far too much doctoring that takes place.  In addition to the regular visits to the oncologist, I must also see certain other members of the medical establishment to make sure that none of the secondary problems that can arise from my cancer – such as, for example, other types of cancer – are brewing.  And then, just like those not burdened with cancer, I still must maintain my other doctors’ appointments:  PCPs, dentists, optometrists, urologists and so it goes. 

Given that my medical dance card is already quite full, I am most reluctant to have to try and work in yet another examination of any type.  Unfortunately, however, there are two irrepressible forces at work:  First, I am aging.  This should not be news as, I believe, most others are also in this boat.  When that reality is coupled with the second force – cancer and its mysterious manifestations – it becomes harder and harder to just rely on an apple a day (notwithstanding that there seem to be way more types of apples available today than are necessary). 

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